Upcoming posts

Well I haven’t been blogging much lately. Mostly due to laziness but also due to moving house, exams and not having anything to add to the Carnival of Aces topics. So this post is more about putting together a list of topics together (some of which I’ve been sitting on since I started this blog) and trying to motivate myself to actually write them.

If there are any of these topics or another topic that you would like me to write about let me know in the comment and I’ll try to make it a priority, which should help motivate me.

  • What is attractive? – this is building on what the Ace Theist posted some months back but is an article I’d planned for months just didn’t have access to a book for a quote I wanted.
  • Differentiating attraction, will it help others? – expansion of a conversation I walked away from at a wedding recently, More general LGBT focus but also brings up generational issues.
  • How I use labels – looking at how I externally and internally use labels, this might end up being a more about how I identify as well and some of the areas of doubt. Possibly break into a couple of posts.
  • Guide to organising/attending meetups – not sure on whether I’ll do this one yet but will be based on my experiences attending and organising my meetup group over the last year.
  • Relationship musings – basically what it says
  • Stress responses and aversion – looking at sex-aversion/repulsion and some responses. Mostly based on my (confusing) responses at a strip club.
  • Working out my boundaries – focus on physical boundaries and trying to work out where they are and how my idea of these boundaries has changed over time
  • Being male and asexual – question that was asked of me at the first meetup I went to but never actually answered.

That should be enough for the moment but there may be more added later.

Fluidity: A terrifying idea

This post is for the September Carnival of Aces on the subject of fluidity hosted by Demi Graydient.

“The idea of fluidity terrifies me,” is not an exact quote of what one of the aces at my last meetup said, but close enough, when discussing this month’s topic. And I have to agree. It is the proverbial double edged sword, both comforting and terrifying.

When I first discovered asexuality, it didn’t take me long to also discover gray-a. It took me a while before I decided that asexual suited better and that has felt more certain as time has passed. However the initial decision was aided by the fact that it could shift and at the time the fluidity concept made that easier to accept as if it did shift it isn’t unnatural or wrong, and I haven’t been lying to myself the whole time.

I have also come to be reasonably secure and more confident in my identity since identifying as asexual, ands the idea of that shifting and having to go through that search for identity is a terrifying idea. This was the concern of the person who I’ve quoted. For me, it could be carried further as it would also make me feel that I no longer would fit or had lied to the local meetup group which has rapidly become a group of friends I greatly value. 

From a broader perspective it also supports doubt, to use Sciatrix’s analogy, from a couple of months ago, it encourages you to keep searching “for a wi-fi network that [may] never appear.” It can also encourage the scepticism in others when you come out, particularly for teenagers who get the it’s only a phase response, queenieoface’s post for last months carnival (teenagers) covers many of these issues which are directly linked to the fluidity concept (and how the asexual community tends to use it) including the pros and cons much better than I can and in more depth than I wish to in this post.

Fluidity is a terrifying concept to consider in that it acknowledges that you could change and then send you back into period of identity confusion, it also encourages you to keep doubting by constantly checking that nothing has changed. However it is comforting to know that if it did change that you were correct at the time and it is perfectly acceptable (assuming you don’t question if you were wrong all along).

What does the A stand for?

The A (or whether there should be one) in LGBT stands for seems to be a regular debate that can be seen on Tumblr. This has been an issue on which I normally just shrug and go “who cares?” though I do consider it to be an issue I think it also highlights an issue with the terms that are being used, and whether LGBT has become a hindrance with more and more letters being tagged on. Though this has the issue of a what alternative is there and is it any better?

LGBT (or in the Australian context, not uncommonly LGBTI in media) has the advantage that it it is well known and it’s letters aid in education. Most people could tell you what each one stands for and give you a brief description of what each terms even if not well understood. This has the advantage of it is well known and it educates people by it’s own existence. However it does have the downside that it doesn’t cover everything, one way around this is to try to put more things under a single label within the acronym. An example being from BeyondBlue who disclose that they use Trans* as an umbrella term for various gender and sex expressions. This has the advantage of avoiding any more additions to the acronym.

But how does LGBT address the addition of those who don’t fit under an existing letter? This has two answers:

1. Don’t add them

2. Add a new letter

The problem is how do you measure or justify if a new letter should be added? The first option risks erasing that group and preventing a strong and simple method of visibility and education. Whilst the second option then requires what letter to use and could see it become too cumbersome and nobody adopting the new additions. Also what else is included under that letter. The fact that letters keep being added in many cases to the point that some people refer to the term as alphabet soup shows that there is an issue. The term can be too inclusive and end up unintentionally erasing people through its intention to be including to everybody and any additions are considered irrelevant and the term is shortened anyway.

So what are the alternatives?

The most common term is GSRM (Gender, Sexuality and Romantic Minorities) though sometimes the R is dropped or letters rearranged. This term has its advantages in that it is reasonably clear (though still open) in its interpretation and gives a reasonable indication of who it aims to include under it. This prevents the need to add more letters to it, as each letter cover almost everything as an umbrella term, however it is so broad that it would require breaking down to into letters and then sub-categories under them. To many people it will be seen as a bunch of letters for a special group (for lack of a better term at the moment), this loses the biggest advantage of LGBT in that the same ease of self-educating isn’t there and it is easier to dismiss as the terms aren’t indirectly learnt.

So is one better?

This would depend on the context of the debate and how broad you want the term to be. If you want to improve visibility the advantage is with LGBT but it lack the same degree of flexibility and has the potential to create erasure through lack of inclusion. GSRM is more inclusive however lacks the ability for people to learn the terms as easily thus being easier to dismiss the term or have groups within it overlooked. Ultimately I think the advantage lies with LGBT, though a rethink of how letters are used on it needs to be done in the online communities to prevent it becoming too cumbersome. Within the mainstream however letter additions are going to be determined by major organisations and the media, which will depend on the people that campaign for the inclusion of the new letters.

And the answer to the title?

The debate on tumblr usually is a debate of whether the A stands for asexual or allies. I honestly cannot see why allies needs to be included, yes there is a need to acknowledge them but it doesn’t serve the purpose of the acronym to have them in there and in fact can undermine it’s power. If an A is added it should stand for asexual and likely will also include many of the grey-spectrum areas.

However until the debate settles and there is less additions to the term I’m still going to be thinking “Who cares, the term is having its strength removed, at least with GSRM we wouldn’t be having this ridiculous debate”

Carnival of Aces: Teenagers and Asexuality

This post is for the August 2013 Carnival of Aces.

When I first saw the topic for this month I wasn’t sure what to write as I’ve been out of high school for almost 5 years now and didn’t discover asexuality until last year. Interestingly this month my school has been asking alumni if anyone could give a speech on their early high school years and my first thought was that anything I could say would be viewed through my new views of which my teenage years contain a lot of ace and aro moments. As such I’ve decided that this post will be a bit of reminiscing (a post I’ve been wanting to do anyway) and advice for people still in their teens and particularly high school.

Feel free to ignore the rambling if you wish and skip to the last paragraph, I won’t be offended, as the key points are at the end.

Much of my teenage years can be looked at as both having to comply with a set of expectations of teenagers and being completely oblivious. I went into high school with the expectation that I should be crushing on people, most of the the time. This lead to what I could call (and at the time did) “crushes.” These tended to be on people I admired or had some sort of respect for, my first girlfriend came from one of these situations (thankfully I was rejected the only other time I asked a girl out). That lead to an awkward date (mostly me not picking up on cues when I look back) and only lasted 3 weeks, I also had no issue afterwards which apparently wasn’t normal.

This obliviousness got more exaggerated once things started becoming more sexual. This took two forms, my own belief in how I reacted to my “crushes” (which will be referred to as squishes from now on), and in my ability to understand and interact with friends and peers. On a personal level it was confusing especially in how I felt about my squishes and thinking I needed to feel sexual attraction for them and mentally forcing arousal to convince myself I felt what I thought I should. This was further complicated by my inability to understand how some of my friends and peers were acting and not getting the jokes and some of the cruder discussion that went on. This could be particularly awkward when judging how my other friends were reacting.

I was fortunate though that during this time I feel into the group that could arguably be referred to as the misfits, so there was less pressure to conform to the general expectations. However it is worth mentioning that I’ve always had a tendency to be able to ignore peer pressure, I was one of the few people that would keep their shirt tucked in right through primary school and preferred to do so during high school. This meant that despite not knowing how I was different I was usually acting how I wanted to act and pursing what I wanted. I’d ignore friends when I carried my sports uniform in a bag that embarrassed them, did drama (for a short time anyway) and was one of the few males (ie. two) that performed in one of the dance performances that the school entered into. So while I missed queues from friends, squishes and peers, at times didn’t understand or gave the wrong impression. Ultimately I’d learnt a while ago not to care (though a severe case of bullying had probably helped). The advantages though were that I could walk out of a number of situations that could have resulted in a lot of drama (and people expected to) as I didn’t have the feelings to worry about and didn’t want the drama to develop.

I will admit though that there were time I felt lonely or out of place however these didn’t effect me too much and I mostly was able to move on.These moments probably came from questions that I didn’t even know I needed answers to and a feeling like I should be chasing stuff that in reality I wasn’t interested in. I’ve only kept one friend from my teens that is within my school group, but that is more due to not having common interests beyond school.

TL:DR:

So what advice would I have from my experiences during my teens with the benefit of hindsight and knowledge of asexuality. Ultimately I don’t even know if knowing I was asexual (I doubt I would even have been able to determine my aromanticism at the time) would have helped. Mostly I found that I got through my teens by being true to myself and acting on my feelings, how I could interpret them at the time, this may have been confused by my impressions from outside influences on how and what I should be feelings but it did provide some learning experiences, and lessons in how others think. Ultimately my teens were a chance for me to discover a lot about myself but also about others and how they think. I would recommend any teens out there questioning remain true to their feelings and if they feel that adopting a label would suit them then do so, if not then there is no need to. It is a time when you are going to be learning a lot about yourself and the people around you (though really this process never stops, you just have more to compare to) and many things may change but how you identify is up to you and that is regardless of outside influence, other opinions, peer pressure and your age.

Doubt and Identity

This post is for the July Carnival of Aces with the  topic of doubt, hosted by A Fine Line.

My identity and doubt have usually gone together though I rarely had a reason to question it myself and would usually push the doubt aside. Most of my doubt has usually been momentary and then dismissed, except when it is instigated by other people questioning my identity.

In fact the only reason I started doubting my own identity was after my mum made a comment that she would accept me regardless of my identity when I was 15. This followed me telling her about one of the girls at a school swimming carnival complaining to me that all the guys were staring at her and I didn’t even look at her (one of if not the earliest ” ace moments” that I can remember). Obviously she suspected that I might be gay.

This was something that stuck with me though and would every so often make me doubt and question whether or not I was straight (it was another 7 years before I discovered asexuality). These moments of doubt were far between usually only about once every 6 months, usually when looking at images of men that were on the TV and appreciating their aesthetics or mild sensual attraction to close friends. Most of this doubt was easily dismissed as my assumptions based on my own experiences and feelings led to overwhelming evidence that I wasn’t gay (that it was flawed due to a heteronormative mindset is beside the point). Yet despite this I kept coming back to doubting my own identity.

This eventually led towards the broken feeling that many aces have felt. For me this started as I began to build up my social confidence but was feeling that I should be in a relationship and wanting sex. Up until this point I’d been quite happy to hide behind excuses that seemed legitimate; I was still living with my parents, hadn’t gotten over my previous relationship (by this point that had been over for 2 years and was more often remembered by other people (read my mum) when I had otherwise not even thought about it). This led to me pursuing someone that was extremely different from me and at one point I remember thinking that they could “fix” me. During this time I had a group of people In the same social circle questioning my sexuality which only made me question it more and feel that I had to defend myself whilst my own doubt increased. (None of them have figured it out to my knowledge). Probably one of the biggest moments of doubt during this time occurred at a strip club which had me questioning whether I was gay again due to very mixed and confused feelings. Though by this stage I was starting to consider I might be bi, but that didn’t make sense either.

A week after I’d been to the strip club the article that I discovered asexuality in was published, which I read a week later. I remember reading it at the time and thinking “this sounds like me” but then dismissing the idea. I would be another 3-4 months before I would look at the article again, following more of the concerns over relationships and thinking I was missing something and becoming socially withdrawn. Once I started to consider it and research it further it took only took a few weeks for me to determine that I was asexual, however there was a lot of questioning and headaches involved especially when considering the grey-areas. In the end I decided that the doubt was irrelavant as it was accurate in a ball park area that was good enough for me and easy enough to explain to other people.

Map showing my thoughts about my sexual identity. Note the repetitive cycles.

Map showing my thoughts about my sexual identity. Note the repetitive cycles and acceptance of the possibility I may be wrong with my current identity.

However the doubt and response to pushing that doubt aside and calling myself straight meant that it took longer to work out my romantic orientation. It was another six months after starting to consider myself asexual that I started considering myself aromantic. This process showed a notable change in the way that I was doubting my identity though. The revelation in this case came during a couple of sleepless weeks and was mostly started on a subconcious level and was progressive as I first started to look at my identity as grey-romantic before a few weeks later switching to aromantic. This process was greatly aided by having the language to actually tackle the doubt gradually as well as being able to draw on others experiences.

Map of my romantic identity. Note that due to having gone through this process with my sexuality this time it is far more linear but still acknowledges it may be wrong.

Map of my romantic identity. Note that due to having gone through this process with my sexuality this time it is far more linear but still acknowledges it may be wrong.

I’ve now been identifying as asexual for almost a year and aromantic for five to six months, during this time my confidence has grown. This doesn’t mean that the doubt has gone away rather I’ve found that I now have the tools to address it and in some cases can conclude that I can’t draw a conclusion based on current experience. This has led to me settling on my identity but knowing that I can label aspects that may seem to conflict (such as aesthetic preferences) and have options that should I be wrong or a current part of my identity that doesn’t fit (such as the grey-areas, or in the case of romantic orientation possibly wtfromantic).

Since discovering asexuality I’ve found my doubt to have reduced and instead of being more often caused by the reactions and questioning of others most of it is now internal, seeking to refine my understanding of my own identity. What’s more I now have the tools with which to do it!

Sex Positive, Negative and Neutrality

This post is for the June Carnival of Aces hosted at Demi Gray.

Sex positive is an approach defined as promoting sexuality and regarding individual choices of consensual sexual expression which over time cultivate health and happiness as fundamentally good. It also promotes doing so in a safe and educated way. However there are also definitions that go on to add: that societal repression or control of the individual’s sex-drive is bad and unhealthy.

This is in contrast to sex negative or antisexualism which is opposition or hostility towards sexual behaviour and sexuality.

I find that these terms create a binary. Whilst the sex positive movement does acknowledge that a person should be free to consent to expressing their sexuality freely and that sex education and safe practices promoted, it can often be misinterpreted and as the above definition adds lead to the belief that sex is necessary and repressing that is bad. Though the bigger issue is that the only contrast is sex negativity, which very few people will agree is a good thing.

This creates a binary where your options are to be open and accepting about people’s sexual choices or to shut them down and try to repress them. What happened to being indifferent, not caring or not wanting to know? A lot of the time you end up in situations where other people can feel your lack of care, want to know, or in some cases inability to understand can get you accused of being sex negative (likely expressed by calling you out for judging or being a prude). This of course can only make you more judgemental for being judged can lead you to judging the other person for judging you, in the end making nobody feel good about themselves.

This is where there is a gap for sex neutral. Which I’m defining as a non-disapproving and non-approving but rather indifferent approach, that isn’t worried about how people are expressing themselves as long as it is safe, consensual and informed (which are more health and safety concerns for anything you do, sexual or not). So very similar to being sex positive but it isn’t worried about promoting it or anything, rather it is an approach of not feeling it needs to be discussed beyond those directly involved as to whether it is bad or good and accepting people have the choice to express themselves how they wish but you don’t have to care.

This term is one that would be very helpful as it allows people to define themselves without feeling that they are saying something that they are not, in this case supporting of sex and its expression, just to avoid being categorised as sex negative. This is true of many  aces, particularly those that are repulsed or sex-averse (such as myself). Often they have no interest ordo not wish to hear about sex or what others do sexually, in my case its a lack of ability to entirely comprehend, but are also not critical of the other person however this can be interpreted as disapproving. There needs to be room for this and not feel that you have to defend yourself for not feeling like promoting sex as a good (or bad) thing.

I’m sure many people would benefit from this term, asexual or not, as not everybody wants to promote sex, rather it should be seen as an activity that you choose your own approach to and if you aren’t for or against it why can’t you be neutral?

Appearance and Asexuality

This post is for this month’s Carnival of Aces hosted at Asexuality, Unabashed. This month’s topic is appearances.

This topic struck me as interesting as I’d recently been to a meetup where we were walking around a shopping precinct with lots of clothing stores and was asked by one of the other people present if I thought aces had less interest in fashion.

My response to this was to consider that there appears to be less of an interest in fashion amongst the asexual community but whether this is a general case is too hard to tell as the vocal aspect that we see tend to dress down to avoid being seen as sexually attractive and to avoid attention. However until the community gets more diverse it is a difficult call this the norm in the asexual community and risks creating stereotypes.

My personal style is generally low-noise clothing with little marking or symbols, unless they’re humorous (and nerdy). However my main aim is to dress comfortably, in a way that I think looks good. I’ll take into account what other people think but I mostly dress for myself (after all there are times when you have to dress in ways you’d rather not eg. special events, work) and want to be comfortable in my appearance. At the end of the day if I’m comfortable I don’t care what other people think and simply don’t care, in fact it can be a point of pride in what could otherwise be an embarrassing situation. (I’ve walked down the street in a dress after one of the final days of high school as all the students in my year switched uniforms with the opposite gender that day, I was the only one that didn’t change back as the person I’d switched with left before I could, but I got no comments as I looked comfortable in it).

I’ve found in my experience and interpretation (not that I’ve paid much attention) that many of the aces I know dress more for themselves in how they present themselves (mostly they tend to be modest and low attention, or quirky in some way). This does not mean that they are not aware of how they are dressing or how others may see how they dress, or that they can’t identify the indications or intent of how others are dressed. In many cases though they’ll ignore what other people think and dress that way because they want to. And if other people want to take an issue with how they dress (attractive, sexual or not attractive enough), they get rather offended as they don’t see why other people have the right to put that view onto them. This attitude can mean that we are less likely to follow fashion trends, especially if they’re using sexual attraction to sell the trends as we’re less likely to want to portray ourselves that way.

I don’t think this is something that exist within asexual culture but is something that is more common and that the aces are more conscious of, as appearance can lead to unwanted attention in ways that many aces can feel more uncomfortable with than most other people.

 

 

Carnival of Aces: The Next Generation

This post is for the April Carnival of Aces being hosted by The Notes Which Do Not Fit. The theme is The Next Generation.

Seeing this topic got me excited as it has been a topic I’ve been doing a bit of thinking on recently, mostly if asexuality was reasonably widely known how it may have affected me and would I have recognised if I was ace or not. And if this was the case how would it have affected other areas of my life. Obviously I’m not able to answer these questions myself without being able to go back and live through those moments again with changed circumstances so rather I’m going to look forward to how it might affect future generations in a broad sense assuming that most people know about asexuality.

The positives:

  • Identity Exploration: This is the biggest difference I can see for people, especially for aces that without the general visibility would never even consider going beyond the main currently known sexual orientations and would otherwise feel broken. This gives people a greater range of options but also presents an area that may result in great confusion that sees some people think they are asexual when they are not and will also likely blur the grey area even further.
  • Growth of the Grey Area: Continuing from the above point, the grey areas of sexuality that are often put under the asexual umbrella will get greater focus as more people consider asexuality and try to further define it through confusion or thought when they don’t match one end or the other of the sexuality spectrum.
  • Confusion: More options and ones that aren’t easily defined as “liking” X and/or Y will lead to greater confusion
  • Relationship Models: For many the fact that asexuality exists will result in having to examine how relationships work. This will lead to a growth in the ways relationships (romantic, sexual, platonic and any other type you can think of) are seen and what forms they may take ((romantic, sexual, platonic, queerplatonic, etc.). I think it is only a matter of time before the current discussions taking place in the community (both asexual and aromantic) are likely to be picked up and used beyond those communities, increased visibility will further open these ideas up to people in general rather than only those who look.
  • Romantic and Attraction Exploration: There will be a greater consideration of aspects of a persons identity beyond their sexuality. People will acknowledge that romantic orientations differ and that attractions come in many different forms and preferences.
  • Coming Out: The visibility will make it easier for many aces to come out as they won’t have to explain what asexuality is.
  • Acceptance: With more people knowing what asexuality is, more people will accept it without questioning whether it exists or not. And those who try to deny the existence of asexuality will find that they have less support behind them and possibly more resistance when they try to deny it.
  • Support: The visibility will lead to an increase in ace friendly spots and support networks for people trying to work out whether they are asexual or not.
  • Societal Assumptions and Behaviours: The existence of asexuality will see changes in the way some things are looked at within society. This includes the elements above but also concepts such as sexual normative, rape culture, etc.
  • Acedar: A form of gaydar but for identifying asexuals will be invented. This will result in many people confusing their gaydars and acedars for the other and misidentifying people, assuming whichever one they are using works in the first place.

However there will still be the negatives:

  • Dismissive Responses: Some people will still refuse to believe asexuality exists. In some cases just saying they’re using it as an excuse to deny the person what they want.
  • Acting to “Fit In”: Some people will do things that they think will prove that they aren’t asexual whether to prove that they aren’t to someone due to peer pressure or due to their own confusion and not wanting to identify as asexual.
  • Blackmail: Some people will accuse people of being asexual in an attempt to manipulate them into proving that they’re not, or as a form of bullying.

These are just a few things I can think of off the top of my head. However I believe that greater visibility for the next generation will lead to greater freedom in questioning sexual orientation but allowing it to be a confusing process with many options and a greater range of language and models for people to define their identity with, beyond just sexuality. The negatives are always going to be there however but compared to the current issues faced these will be similar to what the visible parts of the LBGT confront, which is still an improvement on invisibility, and there will be support networks available to help those that face them.

The positive may not be big things but subtle, almost unnoticed but for those that it affects it will be huge. Most importantly it will help people form an identity that suits them without having to go through the stresses of just finding a term, that might suit them, that many aces currently go through.

Of course getting to this stage is going to be a long road and require a lot of work from the current generation, not just to increase visibility but to build those positive elements for the next generation whilst also reducing the possible negatives responses. However that is a subject for another time.

I don’t “Flirt”

Flirting is one of those things I don’t get. That said I still do have situations where I can recognise it may be considered flirting, usually after I’m well into a conversation or will have it pointed out afterwards to me. However I still don’t consider it it flirting. However to explain this I need to define what flirting is:

According to the OED flirting is:

to behave in a frivolously amorous or sexually enticing manner

That is in a non-serious sexually suggestive manner, though I believe it should also be expanded to include romantically suggestive.

Wikipedia has an entire page on flirting which states that people flirt to bond and express sexual interest. However it goes on to describe two types of flirting: for fun and with intent. Most of the focus is on flirting with intent to form either a sexual or deeper personal relationship though it may also be for amusement without intent to form any further relationship.

The reason I say I don’t “flirt” is that I do not believe I am being sexually or romantically suggestive, at least not by intent and thus the reason I don’t tend to realise that I may be in a situation that may be considered “flirting” to well after it has begun and the other persons actions and statements make it clear. To me a conversation that could be considered flirting is one in which myself and the other person are both energetic in the conversation and getting to know each other better without worrying about what else is going on around us. To use Wikipedia, this would be defined as flirting for fun in order to bond. For this to be considered flirting though it would have to be suggestive and that is not something I even consider in these conversations, rather I just think its a good, open and friendly conversation.

This is the reason I don’t believe I flirt, rather people misinterpret my actions as flirting. For this reason I’m also conscious that I must pay attention and pick up on the clues from the other person to consider when it may be that I am “flirting” to ensure that it doesn’t result in a more complicated situation later. (Thankfully obliviousness usually helps to get out of these too)

Confidence Rising

Second post for the day, which is impressive given I have’t posted in almost a month. The previous post was actually started four weeks ago during my first week of uni and since then I’ve been too busy to get around to finishing it. Thankfully its now mid-semester break and I’ve had Easter to recharge.

The last couple of weeks have been very interesting and a massive boost to my confidence. I’ve been to my third AVEN meetup in as many months which is now looking to become a more regular thing and hopefully the numbers will start to grow as we start to make each event different. I also used this event as a stepping stone to coming out to my parents. This had been a great source of anxiety for me and something I’d been trying to find a way to do for months. They were, as expected, perfectly accepting however I did leave them to do most of the exploration themselves after providing them with links, as that was the part that had been making me hold back. So now that they know I have one of my main safety nets and a place to go should I need support or somebody to talk to that is likely to be there when I need them.

The timing of this couldn’t have been better as the next day at work one of the other co-workers asked if I idenfied as asexual after I casually answered “nope” when asked if I was interested in ay of the customers. His only response was ïnteresting” and later he must have noticed I was a little nervous and thrown (mostly as I was still wondering about my parents respons as well as that was less than 24 hours old) as he made a topic out of one of my hobbie later. So I’m likely to be less anxious at work now, however haven’t had a shift since due to Easter closure.

This confidence boost also gave me little hesitation about contacting a person putting together a proposal for an asexual documentary for one of the local TV stations. This resulted in a conversation that went for over an hour and I spoke about some things that I haven’t mentioned to anybody. One thing  I did find during the conversation though is that whilst I’ve thought about many things I haven’t taken the time to refine my thoughts into something that I can understandably convey to another person, particulary without including  elements that I don’t wish to/shouldn’t mention. Thankfully part of the reason for creating this blog is to explore those areas, so I already have a way to improve communication on those items. So over the next few months that will probably be the focus which should be helpful should the documentary proposal be accepted (which I’m hoping it is) and I’m asked to provide material for it.

Also in my last post I mentioned I’m now uing aromantic rather than grey-romantic (which will require me to get around to updating the About Me page sometime), this wasn’t really a surprise to me as I had an inclining that I would end up changing to that label however needed the grey label whilst I was still analysing, much of which I’m likely to explore in coming posts.