Changing with Self-Acceptance

This post is for the December Carnival of Aces with the subject of Change.

For me change is closely linked with self-acceptance and identity as I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am asexual (and probably more so, especially recently, my aromantism) and how I view everything around me.

I’ve been identifying as asexual for almost 18 months now, before this time though I was very much trying to fit into a stereotype that I was uncomfortable with but incapable of realising. Since  coming to identify and accepting that I was asexual, which took around 6 months, I have started to look on things far more critically. The reductionist model that the asexual community tends to follow is one I can very much relate to. I am consistently breaking down how I experience things and where at first I spent a lot of time trying to work out my identity in all encompassing terms, I now look at individual aspects in small detail and try to relate them to each other. This breakthrough probably is the reason I realised I was aromantic, about 12 months ago, and has grown more refined since.

I have however found that I’ve also become more critical of social norms in regards to sex and romance. I have to be careful not to let my frustration show through and reflect it onto people in social situations, which I’m particularly bad with around my friend’s that I’ve come out too. This is probably made worse by the fact that I’m still working things out which I tend to do by jumping between extremes until I find an equilibrium. 

I’ve also had changing attitudes towards activism. Once I got involved in the local meetup group and looking at more of the online material, consuming as much as I could, I felt I should do something. Lately I’ve been more content to let it go a bit and just enjoy myself and work on my personal issues. (This is also partly being too busy to give time to the ideas I was working on and that I missed the deadlines to do them correctly as it will require a lot of network building too. However at the moment I’m content with coordinating the local meetup group)

So overall the biggest change I’ve found is that I’m better able to work out my own identity as I can further break it down but at the same time am more critical of the pressure that I had subconsciously felt from social norms and expectations. Which has given me more confidence to be myself. Oh, and it’s also been aided by finding a fantastic group of new friends.

3 comments on “Changing with Self-Acceptance

  1. Jo says:

    I feel the same as you on the activism front, in a way. I have done quite a bit of visibility work and talking to the media and stuff like that, but recently I’ve been turning things down as well, mainly because I have a platonic relationship now and my partner is not out, so I want to keep things a bit more private. But I am finding that I’m doing more online stuff (like joining the writers at the asexual agenda) and university stuff, like giving workshops. It’s funny how the drive to do activism changes!

    • Victrix says:

      I’m reluctant to do anything that involves coming out especially in a way that could be visible too. However my strengths tend to lie in the behind the scenes stuff so I don’t see it as a big issue. I just have a problem with doing things small scale.

  2. […] Changing with Self-Acceptance by Victrix at Reflective Ace: […]

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