This post is for the September Carnival of Aces on the subject of fluidity hosted by Demi Graydient.
“The idea of fluidity terrifies me,” is not an exact quote of what one of the aces at my last meetup said, but close enough, when discussing this month’s topic. And I have to agree. It is the proverbial double edged sword, both comforting and terrifying.
When I first discovered asexuality, it didn’t take me long to also discover gray-a. It took me a while before I decided that asexual suited better and that has felt more certain as time has passed. However the initial decision was aided by the fact that it could shift and at the time the fluidity concept made that easier to accept as if it did shift it isn’t unnatural or wrong, and I haven’t been lying to myself the whole time.
I have also come to be reasonably secure and more confident in my identity since identifying as asexual, ands the idea of that shifting and having to go through that search for identity is a terrifying idea. This was the concern of the person who I’ve quoted. For me, it could be carried further as it would also make me feel that I no longer would fit or had lied to the local meetup group which has rapidly become a group of friends I greatly value.
From a broader perspective it also supports doubt, to use Sciatrix’s analogy, from a couple of months ago, it encourages you to keep searching “for a wi-fi network that [may] never appear.” It can also encourage the scepticism in others when you come out, particularly for teenagers who get the it’s only a phase response, queenieoface’s post for last months carnival (teenagers) covers many of these issues which are directly linked to the fluidity concept (and how the asexual community tends to use it) including the pros and cons much better than I can and in more depth than I wish to in this post.
Fluidity is a terrifying concept to consider in that it acknowledges that you could change and then send you back into period of identity confusion, it also encourages you to keep doubting by constantly checking that nothing has changed. However it is comforting to know that if it did change that you were correct at the time and it is perfectly acceptable (assuming you don’t question if you were wrong all along).