I’ve started this blog, Reflective Ace, as a chance to explore my identity and as an outlet for my thoughts when I would otherwise have no way of expressing them. This gives me a way to do so and talk freely as it is unlikely that anything that ends up on here will be discovered by people that I don’t wish to discover it.
What led me to deciding I should start a blog?
I was having a period where I was falling back into a depressive slump and unable to get to sleep due to all the thoughts racing around my head and having no way to let them out. The only friend I would feel comfortable talking to about these issues had cancelled on our plans (which happened again this week) and even then I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing everything. I then remembered that I’d previously written down my thoughts in a word doc when dealing with another range of issues and had found at the time it had been quite effective, however in this case I don’t feel a once off would work, as this is something I’m going to keep coming back to and reanalysis.
This left only a few options; a diary (either kept physically or on a computer), posting a lot more on AVEN or starting a blog.
The first simply isn’t something I felt inclined to do, as I feel a little silly writing to myself and also wish for this to be shared (possibly a desire for support underlying this). Posting on AVEN simply doesn’t suit me, whilst I can vent on a particular thing, I don’t feel it truly gives me a chance to explore the issues I wanted to explore, especially with the rapid change in topics. A forum simply wouldn’t cut it.
Thus I decided to start a blog. Effectively a public diary. It achieves the same goals and also counters the reasons I was against doing a diary.
What do I hope to achieve with Reflective Ace?
My main aims have been to allow me to relax and know I have a way of safely expressing and exploring my identity. Even before this post I have found it has helped, I began to feel I had an option and was thus able to start getting to sleep easier. However it wasn’t until a couple of nights ago that I actually found myself starting to get a decent nights sleep after I found, I think, the route cause of the current issues; doubts and insecurities about my romantic identity. Ultimately I believe that knowing I had found an outlet for my thoughts was helpful in reaching this and I hope that will continue.
A secondary goal is also to add to the asexual blogging community and provide more resources for fellow asexuals to look at when examining their own identities or looking for similar experiences to see that they aren’t alone. Ultimately I’ve found that it has been the blogs that have helped me in this way as I’ve been able to find topics from various other aces(and some allosexuals) that have helped increase my sense of identity when I’ve needed it (the number of hours I’ve lost reading blogs recently…). In many ways this is also a way to give back to those great people and the asexual community.
Who am I?
I’m a 22 year old uni student with way too much time on his hands to explore my identity. I’m currently identifying as a grey-heteroromantic (was thinking demiromantic, but after reading another blog which pretty much covered how I was feeling and felt that grey was more appropriate) asexual. And that is the beginning of me attempting to answer that question. I may be right, I may be wrong, I may have no clue, but working out the answers is something I’m looking forward to.